The Year Before Longhorn

The Year Before Longhorn

Anderson & Box

‘Twas the year before Longhorn, when all through the land
Not a demo was given, not even one canned;
The windows were stacked on each edge with such care
In hopes that some user soon would be there;

The coders were nestled all snug by their desks,
While visions of ship-parties danced in their heads;
And Chris with his pixels, and I with my SOAP,
Had just failed to integrate despite our best hope,
When out from the build lab there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk as working sets grew fatter.

The queries against my old data did hang,
And XAML-based markup from each window rang,
The startup time of our new OS must be fixed
As it seems as if running a 286

When, what to my wondering eyes should they see,
But a leadership team, with eight tiny VP,
With a little old driver, so lively and trim,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Jim.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, William! now, Eric! now, BrianV and Jonesey!
On, BobMu! on PaulFle, on, Soma and JoePE!
To the tech previews march! to the betas install!
Now ship away! ship away! ship away all!"

As bug counts that before the testers they fly
When they meet with a DCR, mount to the sky,
So up to the ship date the VPs they flew,
With the Windows so shiney, and St. Jim was too.

And then, with a reorg, there came such a hum,
The prancing and pawing of each newly coined PUM.
As I checked in my code, and was running my suites,
A new ship date, St. Jim, says we all now must meet.

He had scenarios, experiences, and use cases few,
For the home user, aye, but MBAs too;
A bundle of features he had thrown off the list,
Just the basics, my boy, lest our ship date get missed.

His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
And SteveB was pleased with our revenues less airy!
With heads down we code on our features now prime
To WinFS, yes, but perhaps not this time.
With St. Jim now confident with this release,
The rank and file coders may now code in peace.
As VPs now focus on Blackcomb and beyond,
Of Longhorn, St. Jim, remains oh so fond.
And I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Longhorn to all, and to all a good-night."

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